Are Past Traumas Influencing Your Life Choices?

In life, many of us unknowingly make choices shaped by past traumas, and it’s only through reflection that we begin to understand the impact of these experiences. For some, like myself, a significant part of that past was growing up with an absent parent. My father wasn’t around much, and that absence lingered, impacting my relationships and life choices well into adulthood. Realizing this was pivotal in my journey of personal growth, as I came to understand how deeply past abandonment issues were affecting my decisions.

If you’re finding patterns in your relationships, career, or even your self-worth, maybe it’s time to consider whether past experiences are guiding your present. Here’s how I started addressing my own childhood trauma and realigned my life with a healthier mindset.

Growing up without my father left a lasting void. I didn’t fully recognize how this early experience shaped me until later in life. Like many dealing with abandonment issues, I carried an unspoken belief that I needed validation from others to feel secure. Over time, I saw how this need for validation was affecting my relationships, career decisions, and personal growth.

To break these patterns, I had to look at the root cause. Understanding that our earliest relationships often shape our self-worth can provide the clarity needed to reclaim our power. Recognizing these patterns is the first step in any journey of self-discovery and personal development. Here are five steps that I follow everyday to keep my awareness towards living my Ideal Model Life:

Step One: Identify the Impact of Childhood Trauma

The first step is awareness. Take a moment to reflect on your past and identify any patterns. Are there experiences you haven’t processed? Is there childhood trauma that continues to affect you? It’s important to approach this reflection with compassion, as uncovering old wounds can be challenging. Recognize that this process isn’t about assigning blame but about healing and finding peace within.

In my journey, I realized that my abandonment issues weren’t just affecting my relationships but also my approach to success and failure. I was constantly looking for external validation rather than trusting my inner worth. Recognizing these patterns was the catalyst that allowed me to change.

Step Two: Reconnect with Your Core Needs and Self-Worth

Once you understand how past experiences affect your life choices, it’s essential to reconnect with your true needs. For me, addressing my abandonment issues meant understanding that I was seeking love, stability, and acceptance in unhealthy ways. By focusing on self-acceptance, I began to meet these needs within myself instead of depending on others for validation.

Ask yourself: What are my true needs, and how can I fulfill them in a healthy way? Reconnecting with your authentic self and nurturing a sense of self-worth is empowering. This change doesn’t happen overnight, but with each conscious choice, you’ll begin to shift toward healthier relationships and choices that reflect your true self.

Step Three: Break the Cycle of Trauma-Driven Choices

Breaking patterns requires intentional action. Instead of reacting from past pain, make a conscious effort to choose differently. Challenge trauma-driven behaviors and take time to respond with intention. If you’ve experienced childhood trauma, it’s natural to feel fear or doubt when making new choices, but remember that change is possible, even in small steps.

One key part of my journey was learning to set boundaries. I used to believe that putting others first would fill the gap left by past abandonment, but I found that taking care of my needs was essential for healing. Building healthy boundaries empowered me to make choices based on my values and priorities, creating a foundation for personal growth.

Step Four: Find Support in Your Trauma Healing Journey

Healing is a personal journey, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Seeking support—whether from a therapist, a supportive friend, or a community—can help you stay grounded. Working with a professional is especially valuable when dealing with childhood trauma or abandonment issues, as they can guide you through the complexities of healing.

If you’re not ready to talk to someone, start by journaling your thoughts. Writing about your experiences, feelings, and discoveries can be therapeutic and help you track your progress over time.

Step Five: Embrace the Process of Self-Discovery and Growth

Healing past trauma isn’t a one-time fix; it’s an ongoing journey of self-discovery. Embrace the fact that personal growth is a process. Each step you take, whether it’s a small shift in mindset or a significant breakthrough, is part of your journey toward healing and fulfillment.

My path hasn’t been easy, but each day, I’m grateful for the strength it takes to confront my past and embrace new ways of living. You, too, have the power to make choices that reflect your true self rather than your past traumas. Remember, healing is a journey, not a destination.

Ready to Start Your Journey? Share Your Story

You’re not alone in this process. If you’ve had similar experiences or are working through your own trauma, I invite you to share your story in the comments. By opening up, we can create a supportive space where others feel seen, heard, and understood. Healing begins with sharing, and your story may inspire someone else on their journey.

Are your life choices shaped by childhood trauma or past experiences? Join the conversation by sharing your journey in the comments below.